Reading 'Bout the Acolytes
by ColdFusion180
Summary: A little down time with the Acolytes filled with reflection and fun.


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**Note: This story occurs outside my usual story continuity. All characters are "off camera" so to speak.**

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**Reading 'Bout the Acolytes**

"Ahhh," Pyro sighed happily as he, Remy and Piotr relaxed in a nice lounge. All of them were sitting in soft armchairs in front of a large, cozy fireplace. "This is so nice."

"You said it," Remy agreed leaning back in contentment. "Things are finally starting to go right around here. We're not running around on some stupid mission of Mags'. The rec room has been refurnished. We haven't been nearly killed or anything lately. And Mags and Sabes have taken all the beatings in the last few stories."

"What about that whole thing with you and kites?" Pyro asked.

"Okay, most of the beatings," Remy corrected himself. "All in all, it's a good time to be an Acolyte."

"I never thought I would say this, but I think I agree with you," Piotr said reluctantly. "I have been enjoying my time here much more lately."

"Me too!" Pyro grinned and nodded his head excitedly. "This is the life! No work. No rules. No responsibilities. A roof over our heads. Friends to play with. Tons of food, toys, free time, lighter fluid, butane..."

"We get the picture," Remy cut him off. "Things are great. Though sometimes I feel like my talents are being wasted and I need a challenge to get my blood pumping. Like stealing the Hope Diamond again or something."

"Please do not do that," Piotr sighed. "Though I think I understand how you feel. Sometimes I feel I am being selfish by enjoying myself here instead of doing something to help and service others."

"Hey, we do help others," Pyro insisted. "We provide the valuable service of bringing comedy to the public and entertaining their boring little lives. We're a source of laughs and smiles that brighten a person's day and ask for nothing in return! Though it wouldn't hurt if they occasionally gave us cash or fireworks or offered to take us out to dinner."

"Now that'd be nice," Remy smirked. "But you do have a point. We help make the world a better place by giving people a reason to smile and laugh. These good times won't last forever, but we're sure going to make the most of 'em while they last. Even if only one person likes us it's worth it. It's better than doing nothing except watch TV or sleep or come up with new ways to annoy Mags."

"Here you all are!" Magneto shouted entering the room.

"Speaking of which," Pyro smiled. "Looks like the painkillers have worn off."

"What are you lunatics up to now?" Magneto demanded. "Haven't you done enough to me lately? I'm still sore from pulling cactus needles out of my rear and recovering from my latest skin graft!"

"Easy Mags. We're not doing anything," Remy waved. "Just having a good time enjoying each other's company and knowing we provide a nice, clean source of comedy."

"Oh yeah, like that's real important!" Magneto snapped. "You're all a bunch of lazy, insane maniacs! No one cares about all the stupid stuff you do. Even if they did it's a complete waste of time and energy. Instead of acting like idiots and causing chaos wherever you go, you could be doing something constructive. Like working to achieve mutant superiority which in case you forgot is the reason you were put on this team in the first place!"

"Hey, I do lots of stuff that constructive!" Pyro protested.

"Really? Like what?" Magneto drawled skeptically.

"Well, I found a way to dispose of hazardous poisons, toxins and other industrial chemical byproducts without any harmful impact to the environment," Pyro said proudly. "It's one hundred percent ecologically safe and friendly!"

"Let me guess. You throw them in an incinerator and burn the whole thing up," Magneto replied sarcastically.

"Of course not," Pyro scoffed. "That'd make a whole bunch of yucky acid rain and end up poisoning the soil and killing innocent animals."

"Okay, I give up. What is this miracle process of yours?" Magneto asked.

"I just smear the chemicals onto a big ol' sponge and glue it to Sabes' face," Pyro grinned.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth was heard screaming in the distance obviously in great pain.

"Oh geeze," Magneto groaned.

"See? All the bad, nasty chemicals are soaked into Sabes' body and his healing factor reacts by destroying them and rendering them inert," Pyro explained with a scientific air. "The sponge surfaces that aren't directly glued to Sabes are covered in a protective shield so no chemicals get out. And when it gets dry you just dump some more chemicals on it through a special valve and make sure they make contact with his skin. Or whatever's under the skin if it's all been eaten away. You can even use multiple sponges and slap them on his chest and back!"

"It's creative I gotta admit," Remy shrugged.

"But doesn't that cause permanent damage to Sabertooth?" Piotr asked.

"Nope, not a bit," Pyro grinned. "Not physically anyway. Psychologically is another story. But it's only Sabes and he's already pretty far gone."

"Says the pot to the kettle," Magneto moaned with a hand to his temple.

CRASH!

"GET THIS THING OFF MY FACE!" Sabertooth shrieked in agony. "IT'S DISSOLVING MY BONES! I CANT' FEEL MY JAW! AAAAAARRRGGGHHHHHH!"

SMASH!

"Oh no! What is he wrecking now?" Magneto groaned and ran out of the room. "You fools are going to pay for this! This is why nobody cares about you! Any time you're around is bad because nothing but pointless mayhem and insanity follows!"

"Hey, that's not true!" Remy shouted after him. "Well, not the caring part anyway."

"Yeah!" Pyro jumped up. "There're lots of times when it's great to be with the Acolytes, right?"

"Right!" Remy and Piotr shouted leaping to their feet.

"Hit it!" Pyro grinned as they all began to sing and dance in front of the fireplace.

_In January's lively nights_

_It's great to go get into fights_

_Out on the town with Acolytes!_

_Fighting once, fighting twice_

_Fighting with the Acolytes!_

_In February it's a steal_

_To have a good and homemade meal_

_Cooked by Acolyte chefs with zeal!_

_Cooking once, cooking twice_

_Cooking with the Acolytes!_

In March it's easy to get sore

_Keeping warm, old cartoons and more_

_All result in headaches galore!_

_Headaches once, headaches twice_

_Headaches from the Acolytes!_

_In April there's so much to do_

_Meetings, marbles, a drunk yahoo_

_And dressing up as dinos too!_

_Playing once, playing twice_

_Playing with the Acolytes!_

"YEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" Sabertooth cried in the distance.

"WELL IF YOU'D STOP RUNNING AROUND LIKE A HEADLESS CHICKEN I'D BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT...HEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE POINTING THAT FIRE EXTINGUISHER!" Magneto yelped.

WHOOOOSSSSHHHHHH!

"AAARRRGGGHHH!"

_In May it is the humble truth_

_The members of Acolyte youth_

_Whistle to annoy Sabertooth!_

_Whistle once, whistle twice_

_Whistle with the Acolytes!_

_In June dental work is in vain _

_Attempts result in naught but pain _

_For Acolytes all go insane!_

_Insane once, insane twice_

_Insane crazy Acolytes!_

_In July's hot heat and steam_

_It's fun to snack on cool ice cream_

_And beating X-Men is a scream!_

_Beating once, beating twice_

_Beating with the Acolytes!_

In August it is best to duck

_For Acolytes who have bad luck_

_While vacuum cleaners run amok!_

_Ducking once, ducking twice_

_Ducking with the Acolytes!_

"AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" Sabertooth screamed.

WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

"VICTOR STOP BANGING YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE WALL!" Magneto shouted. "I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH IT HURTS! JUST QUIT IT BEFORE YOU MAKE ANOTHER HOLE!

CRASH!

"VICTOR!"

_In September roll and mold_

_Cut, squeeze, flatten, squish and fold_

_The Play-Doh that never gets old!_

_Molding once, molding twice_

_Molding with the Acolytes!_

In October's gloomy nights

_It's fun to go and cause a fright_

_By scaring big, tough Acolytes!_

_Scaring once, scaring twice_

_Scaring the great Acolytes!_

In November screams are shrill

_From terror and bone-chilling thrill_

_Riding Pyro's motorcycle!_

_Screaming once, screaming twice_

_Screaming with the Acolytes!_

In December it's great kicks

_To sing and film some priceless pics_

_Of Magneto's drunken antics!_

_Singing once, singing twice_

_Singing with the Aco, singing with the Aco, singing with the Acolytes!_

"NO YOU WILL NOT USE ACID TO TRY AND DESTORY THE GLUE!" Magneto yelled. "THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU COULD...HEY LOOK OUT!"

SPLOOSH!

"AAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!"

_We told you once, we told you twice_

_All seasons of the year are nice!_

_For reading about the, for reading 'bout the Acolytes!_

_Acolytes, Acolytes, Acoly-hites!_

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**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Chicken Soup with Rice" by Carole King.**


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